BLACK ROSES. Already?

Ever liked someone that you did not want, didn't plan to, or even never in a million years would you have looked at them in a different light that does not reflect "friends only?" people say that once you have decided that a boy is just your friend they are no longer a dating option. they become a complete non-sexual entity in a girl's eyes,like a brother - or a lamp. well i used to believe that, but i quickly realized u never really know what it's like until you are faced with a situation. sometimes i put myself in situations that i know are going to end bad or never happen at all, some things are worth it, you know like when i look back on things that made me smile they never stop making me smile, i guess what i'm trying to say is that you really never know what a situation is like until you are faced bey it. there is this feeling when you get, when there is this other person that you know thinks about you, and he lets you know. it is comforting to know that when all hell breaks loose there will always be that someone left. who won't judge you, who knows you, well this a great feeling and would even be better if you knew the feeling will last. i had my doubts when i put myself out there. my thinking is if i don't let my guard down, i don't have to get hurt. it's like if you stop betting then you really never have to lose. i usually have my walls up because my greatest fear is me being vulnerable. but in this situation the walls just came trembling down i spoke what i felt. Rev Run said that when an emotion is real it comes out involuntarily. and that is exactly what happened. i don't know what happened but i guess that person is not "that person" anymore. which got me questioning ... Black Roses already? the red rose is still alive. SMH.

11:11: MAKE A WISH.

Luck has a peculiar habit of favoring those who don't depend on it.
ya know every night i wait on 11:11 just to make a wish. a big part of me knows that this is just a thing that people do and doesn't really work, but a tiny part of me still makes that wish hoping that maybe just maybe 11:11 will favor me. i use my wishes on my own personal needs sometimes i use it on my friends sometimes on the world in general. 11:11 gives me hope that there is something i could do to change things, this is not necessarily the most realistic way to go about it but it comforts me. 11:11 comes twice every day, some say it does because everyone deserves a second chance but then when you miss both chances you have to go that day without making a wish. if you think about it second chances in life apply the same way. the first time it's a mistake but the second time is a choice. i have this wish that i make everyday hoping that some day this magic numbers will make it come true. it is funny how i just always happen to look at my phone or the clock when it hits 11:11, it's like an involuntary reaction, i don't know how to explain it, at least words cannot explain but it makes me feel like 11:11 is real. i don't know about you but even if 11:11 is not real it gives me HOPE <3

If you really knew me

i am lazily sitting here watching this show "if you really knew me" on MTV. The show is basically about this challenge day that is supposed to be an effort to break down the cliques and make people speak their hearts out and express what they really are and not this character that everyone sees. I was thinking to myself I am glad I am who i portray to be, but the thing is when i said this to myself it sounded like i was looking for this self assuring voice to say yes Grace you are what others think you are. Well if you really knew me you would know that I am not the happiest person who always puts on a smile for others. If you really knew me you would know that my family relationship just got better just two years ago. If you really knew me you would know that i have hated myself, blamed myself. If you really knew me you would know that I deal with things by myself. I don't tell people what i really feel, or how certain things make me feel. If you really knew me you would know that right now I am not the happiest person. You would know that i care about people who don't necessarily don't appreciate it or don't see it. you would know that i don't let people in. You would know that posting this i feel like I'm putting myself out there. If you really knew me you would know that this is only a portion of whats going through my mind.