If you really knew me

i am lazily sitting here watching this show "if you really knew me" on MTV. The show is basically about this challenge day that is supposed to be an effort to break down the cliques and make people speak their hearts out and express what they really are and not this character that everyone sees. I was thinking to myself I am glad I am who i portray to be, but the thing is when i said this to myself it sounded like i was looking for this self assuring voice to say yes Grace you are what others think you are. Well if you really knew me you would know that I am not the happiest person who always puts on a smile for others. If you really knew me you would know that my family relationship just got better just two years ago. If you really knew me you would know that i have hated myself, blamed myself. If you really knew me you would know that I deal with things by myself. I don't tell people what i really feel, or how certain things make me feel. If you really knew me you would know that right now I am not the happiest person. You would know that i care about people who don't necessarily don't appreciate it or don't see it. you would know that i don't let people in. You would know that posting this i feel like I'm putting myself out there. If you really knew me you would know that this is only a portion of whats going through my mind.