I should, but is it wrong that i don't feel like it? Is it wrong that i'd rather sit here and write this?
It hasn't been a good week for me. I don't know why considering my start to this week was almost perfect.
I think sometimes when you expect too much from people you almost always end up getting disappointed. But the thing is, I can't explain why this week turned out so bad. I can't explain why so many things changed in the course of a week. 1 week 7 days 168 hours, that's how long it took to make a tear drop down my face.
I don't cry a lot. If I do it's because something really got to me, well i guess i could say this week got to me. I hate sounding depressed. I am usually the one who walks in class with the biggest smile on my face. I am usually the one to ask what's wrong. I am usually the one to give advice.. but not this week. It was a complete 360 turn.
I look at myself in the mirror every morning when i wake up and all i see is a girl who wakes up paints a smile on her face and hope it sticks throughout the day. I am overreacting i know i am.. but what can i do.
Have you ever felt so helpless and out of control that it hurts you. It's like having a heart attack and not being able to reach the phone to make that 911 call.
My grandmother is sick back in Kenya. My father is completely stressed out by the fact that he cannot be there for his own mother. He never says it and he tries to hide the pain but i see it in his eyes. He has to remain strong for his family .. especially for his mom. I haven't seen her in over four years i don't know if she will recognize me when she sees me.. that's if she does.
Some of my friendships are going down the drain .. but what can i do? You know someone can only care so much and when you realize the people you spend day and night thinking about .. don't spend a fraction of a second thinking of you. you have to accept it simply because you cannot force someone to care for you. You have to accept that somethings are not meant to be.
Apologizing is hard. Especially when you don't know what you are apologizing for .. but it's worse when the person you are apologizing to could care less about it. It sucks. I hate caring for people.. I hate feelings .. i wish mine would just go numb. I swear it would be a lot easier.
It's Sunday night. The weekend has gone by so quick I am about to face another week. Hopefully a better one. This Sunday is way different from the last one. At a time like this a smile was on my face .. this week it's been replaced with a frown. Goodness how long is this going to last?
"paints her face early in the morning
and she hopes it sticks"
Goodnight bloggers <3
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