Just like Narnia. Truth doesn't make a noise.

You know how you feel when you watch the chronicles of  Narnia? It's beautiful over there it's magical just like paradise but of course it's not real. It was a snow day today. i spent it with my best friend Faith. she hates the snow but said she would come out to play just because i asked her too. Me on the other hand.. i couldn't wait to get out there... go sledding build a snow man have a snow ball fight .. anything as long as i was out there in that beautiful mess. faith was reluctant about this. i had to drag her out the house just so we could finally go. she didn't like the idea at first she kept complaining and kept reminding me that she didn't want to be there as if i hadn't gotten the message yet.. but that's beside the point. after being out there for about fifteen minutes i noticed she was having fun. she had this big smiled plastered on her face you could probably see it from the back. I thought about this and it's like you know how sometimes you are faced with certain things in life that just happen. you may not like this things.. you may be be ambushed by them sometimes but once you stop judging a book by its cover you realize something that you have never known before. This girl i know.. you might know as well.. well she is faced with a difficult situation. people say that we tend to ignore those who adore us and adore those who ignore us. there is this guy who likes her .. she likes him too as a friend though and she is not sure whether time  spent with him might turn her feelings around who knows? there is this other guy who she likes but she is not sure if he feels the same way. he sends mixed signals you never know when he is real with her or not. but she can't deny the fatal attraction toward him. She doesn't want to break the other's heart but she doesn't want to lie to herself. she finds herself in a dilemma. does she really have to choose. should she choose the one who loves her or the one she loves? it would make sense for he to do what is best for her but these days everything .. at least almost everything ends up in a fiasco. the sunny side of choosing the one who adores her is that she is assured that he is for real he means what he says it's what he feels the dark side of it is that she will not be able to enjoy it because she doesn't feel the same way. she could learn to but does she have to?  the  sunny side of choosing the one she adores is its all she wants  all she thinks about but the dark side about it is that he might not be for real. sometimes i ask myself why do people play games .. what does it benefit you to  make someone believe something that isn't real.. why? she still hasn't made the decision as far as i know. hopefully she makes the right one. all she is trying to ask is Are You True?

AMBITIOUS GIRL :) click on read more to see my story behind the song.

All that you can't leave behind.

It's been four months since the girl has been truly happy, it's been four months that the girl has been learning the truth. walls have ears right? is this how she learned the truth? or maybe her friends told her things. there are things in life that you are told that completely break your heart but you have to act like you don't care. things that you wish you never knew but then again glad that you know. things that make you act a certain way.. feel a certain way. resentment, fear, disbelief, sadness maybe? It's two am in the morning, i am typing in the darkness the little light from my computer aids my vision. i look up and i see pictures on my wall. a particular one catches my attention. memories flood back in, they are following me like a shadow. what if? what if four months ago the girl had been true to herself? what if the girl had gotten what  she wanted? would she be happier now? or would she end up just like everyone else who thought they had  gotten what they wanted? would she regret things? is she regretting things? does she wish she had said something? doesn't she think she should say something? is she brave enough? would it be worth it in the end for her? will it bring about happiness for her? satisfaction maybe? will the sleepless nights go away? tears dry up? will it be the last time she has to fake a smile? who knows? she doesn't that's for sure. she wishes she did. she is not brave enough yet. she has had the chances to prove she was but they all ended up in a total fiasco. someday she will be brave enough. when she is she will get what she wants. but then again if she know that a simple act of bravery will solve everything then why doesn't she take the step? someday .. maybe. who knows?

"We Three (My Echo, My Shadow and Me)"

You know that feeling you get when you are looking forward to something so bad you can hardly contain yourself? well approximately seven weeks ago i had this vibrant feeling. I went to bed waiting for my alarm to go off and for it to be a new day. Its a great feeling when you wake up knowing it wasn't promised. Well back to this amazing feeling that i felt. I couldn't wait to see what i was looking forward to held in store for me. I expected everything to go exactly the way i had planned it in my head, exactly how it had happened in my dreams. But i was jolted back to reality with the fact that nothing happened the way i wanted it to. A feeling of disappointment ran through my entire being. And a puzzled look was plastered on my face. This feeling was like none i had ever felt before. It was even worse because for once in a long time i had thought that things were finally going to go my way and i was sure than no thing in this world would come in between but once again, i was wrong. i need someone to save me from my destiny. i know by now miasma of thoughts are criss-crossing your heat soaked brain wondering what i could be talking  about. That i will keep a secret, because if you know me  i am not the most open person about my feeling or thoughts. Its because once you reveal your true feelings to a person it makes you vulnerable and honestly the only person that i trust is myself because at the end of the day i am the only one who will be here for me. Believe me, I'm lying. 

Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace

Sometimes i feel like i have everything figured out like i know what to expect from certain people, certain things, certain situations. what happens when your expectations are short lived? You are left to wonder what might have gone wrong, what changed? things change, people change i know that but i feel like sometimes people change and they forget to tell others. you are left wondering what to do, who to run to, who to talk to, what to say, what to think. There are days that things go as you expected, other days they take a complete 360 turn. i seem to have no days going my way lately.Trying to think what I've done wrong. Trying to figure out where i am going, what I am planning to do. Have you ever had this feeling that everyone around you is happier, different .. but you are just the same, still standing waiting to see what happens, waiting to see what the day has in store for you. I have given up on anticipating for things, getting excited over things that probably will end up disappointing me. I try to live life like a game, if you play your cards right you come out alive. I don't write this blog to give people advice or encouragement, I write what i feel, what goes on in my life. It is the only way i can be honest to myself and others around me. It's like i can't express my feelings in words. You might not understand me .. but i understand myself, at least i think i do. I am looking for that clarity, that hope that sometimes comes in the most peculiar ways, that confirmation that everything's going to be alright. I am trying too look for happiness, i hope it finds me.

THE SAME DEEP WATERS AS YOU.

My name is Grace, you might know that or you might not. i like a lot of things, but i also dislike quite a number of things. people always ask me if i hate certain people .. my answer is always "no HATE is a strong word lets say maybe i dislike certain people" i use the word dislike just because HATE sounds so crude and heartless. sometimes you wonder what leads you to certain feelings like this. maybe its a person's actions, words behavior. they say that we should embrace and pray for our enemies but its really not that easy. when you think back on the things that lead you to this type of feelings in the first place you find it hard to find forgiveness in your heart.i don't like having enemies, if i had a choice i wouldn't have any, but thats the thing, we don't choose if we want to have enemies, they just happen just like friends do. well i live in a small world i guess we all do. your life might be something like mine or maybe nothing like it but either way we go through almost the same things. we have all made bad decisions before. we regret things at least i do. ya know every great mistake has a halfway moment,a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied. this is true and all but if you think about it, sometimes a bad thing happens just to pave way for the good things to happen.

BLACK ROSES. Already?

Ever liked someone that you did not want, didn't plan to, or even never in a million years would you have looked at them in a different light that does not reflect "friends only?" people say that once you have decided that a boy is just your friend they are no longer a dating option. they become a complete non-sexual entity in a girl's eyes,like a brother - or a lamp. well i used to believe that, but i quickly realized u never really know what it's like until you are faced with a situation. sometimes i put myself in situations that i know are going to end bad or never happen at all, some things are worth it, you know like when i look back on things that made me smile they never stop making me smile, i guess what i'm trying to say is that you really never know what a situation is like until you are faced bey it. there is this feeling when you get, when there is this other person that you know thinks about you, and he lets you know. it is comforting to know that when all hell breaks loose there will always be that someone left. who won't judge you, who knows you, well this a great feeling and would even be better if you knew the feeling will last. i had my doubts when i put myself out there. my thinking is if i don't let my guard down, i don't have to get hurt. it's like if you stop betting then you really never have to lose. i usually have my walls up because my greatest fear is me being vulnerable. but in this situation the walls just came trembling down i spoke what i felt. Rev Run said that when an emotion is real it comes out involuntarily. and that is exactly what happened. i don't know what happened but i guess that person is not "that person" anymore. which got me questioning ... Black Roses already? the red rose is still alive. SMH.

11:11: MAKE A WISH.

Luck has a peculiar habit of favoring those who don't depend on it.
ya know every night i wait on 11:11 just to make a wish. a big part of me knows that this is just a thing that people do and doesn't really work, but a tiny part of me still makes that wish hoping that maybe just maybe 11:11 will favor me. i use my wishes on my own personal needs sometimes i use it on my friends sometimes on the world in general. 11:11 gives me hope that there is something i could do to change things, this is not necessarily the most realistic way to go about it but it comforts me. 11:11 comes twice every day, some say it does because everyone deserves a second chance but then when you miss both chances you have to go that day without making a wish. if you think about it second chances in life apply the same way. the first time it's a mistake but the second time is a choice. i have this wish that i make everyday hoping that some day this magic numbers will make it come true. it is funny how i just always happen to look at my phone or the clock when it hits 11:11, it's like an involuntary reaction, i don't know how to explain it, at least words cannot explain but it makes me feel like 11:11 is real. i don't know about you but even if 11:11 is not real it gives me HOPE <3

If you really knew me

i am lazily sitting here watching this show "if you really knew me" on MTV. The show is basically about this challenge day that is supposed to be an effort to break down the cliques and make people speak their hearts out and express what they really are and not this character that everyone sees. I was thinking to myself I am glad I am who i portray to be, but the thing is when i said this to myself it sounded like i was looking for this self assuring voice to say yes Grace you are what others think you are. Well if you really knew me you would know that I am not the happiest person who always puts on a smile for others. If you really knew me you would know that my family relationship just got better just two years ago. If you really knew me you would know that i have hated myself, blamed myself. If you really knew me you would know that I deal with things by myself. I don't tell people what i really feel, or how certain things make me feel. If you really knew me you would know that right now I am not the happiest person. You would know that i care about people who don't necessarily don't appreciate it or don't see it. you would know that i don't let people in. You would know that posting this i feel like I'm putting myself out there. If you really knew me you would know that this is only a portion of whats going through my mind.

BEST FRIENDS .. WHO ARE THEY WHAT ARE THEY??

Best friends make the world 1000,000,000 times better they really do and this i can say with no shadow of doubt. If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I would be at the bottom to catch them.“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never ever the same” (Unknown). What is a “best friend”? Almost everyone has one, and almost everyone is one. There’s something about a best friend that cannot be duplicated. Everyone has their own definition of what their own best friend is like and what an impact he or she has made in their life. In this essay I would like to take a better look at some of the simple things that we might take for granted when we think of our best friends.A best friend is a title held for the few and privileged. The term cannot be thrown around loosely. Not just anyone can be called your best friend. A best friend has to first meet several qualifications and have many outstanding characteristics to have the honor of holding such a prestigious title. Being a best friend is more than someone that you’ve seen everyday and grown up with. A best friend can be someone with whom you’ve known since childhood but can also be someone that you’ve just met, and similar to “love at first sight,” you just click with. The true definition of a best friend is someone that knows you inside
I LOVE MY BEST FRIENDS

“You will be fine… honey…” the reassuring words of my mom echoed in my head as I walked into the entrance of the school. It was about seven sharp in the morning. I had arrived early because it was my first day there and I didn’t want to give a bad impression. To my disappointment no one was there, not even the teachers, who always seem like they live in the school. I walked aimlessly around the school like a stray dog. It was a small school so it didn’t take me that long to get a glimpse of the whole school. It’s normal for kids to be nervous on their first day of school, but this was different, it was my first day of high school, in a completely different environment, different country. Cold chills ran through my veins. I didn’t know what to expect, the only idea of an American high school was the ones I had seen in movies. I was hoping that would not be the case. About ten minutes later I saw a car amble down the school driveway, I was nervous, nervous to meet all my new school mates, nervous of how my first period would go. I saw little kids to older ones meandering their way through the school to their respective classes. I did not know what to do, stand there and approach the first person I see or go on with my own business even though I really had nothing to do. I lazily picked up my book bag and walked down the hall. I was looking for my locker number, trying to find my classes and trying to figure out where the cafeteria was, little did I know that the gym was the cafeteria; this is what I got for missing orientation. I finally found the Spanish room and quietly walked to my seat. I was beside myself, usually I would have excitedly introduced myself but this day I shrank into my seat and started to play with my hair and fingers. I knew that Mrs. Whitley my Spanish teacher would ask me to introduce myself to the class. I practiced my introduction over and over in my head before she had called on me. Like a meek lamb I stood up and said my name and quickly sat down. Everyone knew everyone and this made it even harder. Biology was my next class, it was neatly decorated with science posters, I loved the feeling in the room because science happened to be one of my best subjects, and did I mention that it took me about fifteen minutes to find the class. We had assigned seats therefore I walked up to my seat, right next to me was a tall about 5’7 Caucasian girl who had a huge smile plastered on her face a smiled back with a secret half Monalisa smile. “I’m Nicole by the way… its Grace right?” “Yea, nice to meet you.” I replied in a soft voice.