Quite fond of you

It's the smile that blows me away
I can't help but admire the way you are
Your smile so bright, your laugh so infectious
Confident and courageous is what you are
I'm quite fond of you.

Loving and kind, smart and witty,
The way your eyes drift,
The way your attention stays on me,
Your words so smooth and eloquent
I'm quite fond of you

Hand to face, voice to voice
Miles away, yet so close to touch
Your touch so warm
Your concern so sincere
I'm quite fond of you

Crash Course in Polite Conversations

To all those who care
for all who think it's unfair
To me who cares
for me who thinks  it's unfair
I should be patient-of that I'm aware.

It's like a phase that passes by
I'm intrigued with your humour oh so wry
She watches you come close by
I know she wants to know why
She should be patient, but why?

You walk around like you have the right
She walks around ready to bite
But I try to stay out of sight
she hates me, she might
we should be patient she'll fight.

Hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst.

I miss you, I think of you everyday
hoping i'll see you someday
I need you to hang in there
for me, but mostly for you heir.
He needs you to be there.

He thinks of you, more than i do
And i hate to see him woe
I love him, he loves you
so I love you too.
I need you to be there.

Pain in his eyes, despair in his voice
He would make it go away if he had a choice
I listen to him think, i think with him
The sound of his breath like a rhythm
Brings tears to my eyes.
We need you to be there.

Make Your Sirens Call.

I wanna be honest with you but i can't,
I wanna scream and yell at you but i won't.
I wanna blame you for my sadness,
I wanna believe that this isn't madness.
I wanna see me happy.


I'm gonna cry myself to sleep,
I'm gonna let myself weep.
I'm gonna get over you,
I'm gonna know what to do.
I'm gonna see myself happy.


A year later .....


I'm still not over you,
I'm still wishing you were my boo.
I'm still stuck on hopelessness,
I'm still filled with weariness.
I'm still on a quest to see myself happy.


Always And Forever.

"Remember The Name... Remember The Game"

"When a man dies all his secrets go with him"

I am a liar i was honest, i was all theses things
I am a sinner i am dreamer, i did all these things


I kissed a girl, no emotion
I kissed a boy, sparks in motion


I scream, i shout
I cry, i pout


A boy, a male
A story, a tale


I believed, He lied
I still care, i'm tied

A smile you caused,
A tear? Pause.


"Believe Me I'm Lying ... "

"twice I have lived forever in a smile"

This sweet mistake. I long for you.

But i cant FIND you.

Will you ever FIND ME?

My Smiles. my Trials.

All apart of my Legacy.

A Myth. A Tale. Soon forgotten by sad tomorrows

My hate . My Loves

My ups and down.

So to be taken by.

I life i die i laugh i cry .

Human is what i am.

Struggle is what i live

Freedom is what i seek.

Troubles taken and casted to the place

To leave behind.

But can happiness haunt you.

Can it taunt you existence.

Will you live .

Or will you perish.


Always And Forever

Dancing on my Bed....

Kid ink's song I love life is on repeat right now.. my books are laid out on my bed. Untouched it's been over two hours.. still untouched. i have no motivation to do anything. I look around my messy room.. i see pictures on my wall, memories flood back .. good memories bad ones .. unforgettable ones. This year is going bye extremely fast. It's a good thing .. then again a scary thing. I look back on this year and way too many things have happened.. good things .. bad ones unforgettable ones. But that's life you know a little bit of everything. At this moment i could say that I am content .. happy :). I am not happy because everything is going good or i have everything i want.. I am happy because in the midst of everything i can always find the good out of a bad situation. I can always find the rainbow after the hurricane. I can still find the energy to dance on my bed. I feel free .. i feel  relaxed.. i have forgotten about the two tests i have tomorrow..  I am letting go of the past, letting go of the "what could have been" mentality. We always wonder why bad things happen to good people.. but the reality is bad things happen to bad people as well it's just that we notice when these bad things happen to good people because we feel like they don't deserve it .. but that's just the irony of life. 


"I day dream lookin' off,
 In space tookin' off,
 Sometimes life is a cookie jar,
 But i wouldn't trade it like a rookie cop,"


Baby ... i love life <3


Always And Forever

misread signals, pain & embarrassment.. All of the above

Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't?
Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't?
You fall deeper with each passing day,
But try to hide it in every possible way.
He's only a friend, and nothing else--
That's the lie you keeping telling yourself.
You keep on saying he's just a bud,
But deep inside, you're falling in love.
You get so giddy when you meet his eyes,
But keep reminding yourself it isn't right.
A simple glance turns into a stare,
But you pretend that you don't care.
It's "not right" for you two to be.
Is that why you hide it so no one can see?
But how long will you pretend?
Keep lying that he's just a friend?
Perhaps your feelings you can never show.
Perhaps it's "wrong" for him to know.
Your friendship can't be risked over this,
So being his girl is an impossible wish...


I should have listened .. i didn't ... but never again .. That i promise. 

A turn around, smile, and I begin blushing.

The look that always blows me away.
It says I want to be with you, forever and always,

But then your face fades away.

And clear blue skies turn to gray.

Utter darkness , and then it seems

That all that we had, was just a dream.

I speak now truely,

from the depths of my soul.

This constant heartache,

is really getting old.

Fifty steps become a thousand miles,

but all was well when you saw my smile.

My heart beats faster,
as i get near.
But then my heart drops,
when the other girl appears.


I look surpirzed,
for all i can do is stand still.
A sudden moment of silence,
cuts even the wind.
and I begin to express my feelings,
that come deep from within.


"Do you know how it feels-
When your heart is slowly dying,
and your tears are long and dry,
but you cant stop crying.
When happiness seems ike an illusion,
difting away in your mind.
And love is a myth,
impossible to find.....


Suddenly a tear rolls,
from the coners of my eyes-
Life is in the balance,
Hope is on a scale.
Persistant and determined am I,
Wanting not to fail..
then I begin..


tell me why the full moon cries.
the stars at night, they brightly shine,
and I too should be happy, sweet and devine."
I know in my heart,
we will be fine.
Everything will work out,
in all due time."

Always And Forever

Somethings are not meant to be .. I'm accepting it.

Super bowl madness! Everyone around me has been anticipating for this day. Packers .. Steelers .. honestly i could care less. I guess even though I don't watch football I should probably use this time to have fun with my family and friends.

 I should, but is it wrong that i don't feel like it? Is it wrong that i'd rather sit here and write this?
It hasn't been a good week for me. I don't know why considering my start to this week was almost perfect.

 I think sometimes when you expect too much from people you almost always end up getting disappointed. But the thing is, I can't explain why this week turned out so bad. I can't explain why so many things changed in the course of a week. 1 week 7 days 168 hours, that's how long it took to make a tear drop down my face.

I don't cry a lot. If I do it's because something really got to me, well i guess i could say this week got to me. I hate sounding depressed. I am usually the one who walks in class with the biggest smile on my face. I am usually the one to ask what's wrong. I am usually the one to give advice.. but not this week. It was a complete 360 turn.

I look at myself in the mirror every morning when i wake up and all i see is a girl who wakes up paints a smile on her face and hope it sticks throughout the day. I am overreacting i know i am.. but what can i do.
Have you ever felt so helpless and out of control that it hurts you. It's like having a heart attack and not being able to reach the phone to make that 911 call.

My grandmother is sick back in Kenya. My father is completely stressed out by the fact that  he cannot be there for his own mother. He never says it and he tries to hide the pain but i see it in his eyes. He has to remain strong for his family .. especially for his mom. I haven't seen her in over four years i don't know if she will recognize me when she sees  me.. that's if she does.

Some of my friendships are going down the drain .. but what can i do? You know someone can only care so much and when you realize the people you spend day and night thinking about .. don't spend a fraction of a second thinking of you. you have to accept it simply because you cannot force someone to care for you. You have to accept that somethings are not meant to be.

Apologizing is hard. Especially when you don't know what you are apologizing for .. but it's worse when the person you are apologizing to could care less about it. It sucks. I hate caring for people.. I hate feelings .. i wish mine would just go numb. I swear it would be a lot easier.

It's Sunday night. The weekend has gone by so quick I am about to face another week. Hopefully a better one. This Sunday is way different from the last one. At a time like this a smile was on my face .. this week it's been replaced with a frown. Goodness how long is this going to last?

"paints her face early in the morning
and she hopes it sticks"

Goodnight bloggers <3

It's Not A Bird, It's Not A Plane. It's My Heart And It's Going.. Gone Away..

Beautiful Morning, She looks over and she sees her phone blinking. A new text message she supposes. She's hoping it's a certain someone. That someone who will probably plaster a smile on her face immediately. She reaches over for it and just like she had hoped, it did make her smile, not necessarily for what it read but more who it was from. You know sometimes sadness becomes such a big part of your life that you expect to always be there because you cannot remember a time in your life when it was not. But then one day you feel something else, which considers wrong, just because it’s so unknown. And in that moment you will see that you are happy.  “I am happy, I feel happy.” She whispers to herself as she jumps up and starts dancing. Her dancing is uncoordinated... all over the place, but she still has that smile on her face. She is not sure whether this will last long or if it will last at all. She hopes that it will last forever and a day. Cheesy?  Yes but that is what she hopes for. For a long time she had been hoping that things would work out the way they did and now that it has, she can’t help but smile. She wonders whether this is a mutual thing. She wonders whether she is in this solo or whether “they" are in it together. She hopes that they are in this together. A part of her knows that they are, the other part can’t help but wonder.  What if she is some part of a huge plan? What if hearts get broken? What if she doesn’t find what she is looking for? Is she looking for something in particular? You know every once in a while people step up, to rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes less. Life is funny sometimes, can push quite hard, but if you look close enough to find hope in the words of children, bar one song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you’re lucky, if you are the luckiest person on this entire planet the person you love decides to love you back. She isn’t the same person. She has new priorities now. She cares for someone. She likes someone. She puts this person before others. She is not afraid to tell the whole world but then again she is afraid that that my jinks the whole thing. She has been warned. But she won’t listen. She is getting herself into something that she hopes will build her and not break.  This is how she is feeling.  <3

Dear Future Husband,

I wonder .. i always do. Who are you? Where are you? Have i met you yet? It's all so fascinating to me that at the end of the day everyone is going to end up with the person they are meant to end up with.But then again in this generation of ours where chivalry is practically dead, you really never know.  Maybe at this point in your life, you know exactly what you want. Maybe you have already met your future wife/ husband. Maybe you have not. Maybe you have but you don't know it yet. Maybe you don't want to. Maybe you are like my best firend Cole who wants to get married at the age of eighty five which is rather barbaric if you ask me but then again it's her we are talking about here. Probably the most fascinating person you will ever meet. But like i was saying you never know what fate has held in store for you. As i write this, the song "until the end of time" by Justin Timberlake  is playing in the background. I am already decided that this song will be played at my wedding and also "Ribbon in the sky"- stevie wonder. That is if i do have a wedding, you know if i ever get there. Have you ever stopped to think about the fact that there is a love so strong, it conquers all. You know people sing about it, write books about it .. better yet make movies about it but is it really there? Can it be really you and your loved one against the world? I like to think that it is there. I hope it is.. love as people say is the closest thing to magic. It all sounds so stupid but what if it is real, it could be the best thing ever. Have you experienced something like this? I for sure know i haven't. Maybe you have, someone you know? I'm only sixteen so i'm not in a rush to figure it out. I'll wait and see. You know the reason why people are supposed to date is so that they can be able to pick out a person to spend the rest of their lives with. But the more you look at the dating world it is less of that and more of people merely wanting sexual satisfaction, the idea of always having someone there. People date trying to fit in. This is far from the real purpose of dating. You might disagree with me but then again I'm not trying to be right I am just stating my opinion about this.  Considering this and looking at your dating life right now. What is it that you are looking for? Are you looking for someone you can have a good time with? I mean you can find those they are called friends? Are you looking for someone you can talk to? You can find those as well, they are called best friends. Or maybe you are looking for both in one? Yes? How lucky would you be if you find a best friend and a lover all in one person? Well they are not easily found, but they are there. Maybe you just need too look harder and you'll find that one person. True love? haha Maybe? Who knows? .. ahhh Not me :)


Always And Forever

Funny You Say That.

Don't you hate it when people say they absolutely hate something or they hate it when someone does something .. when they do the exact same thing and see no problem with it? That has to be the number one thing that makes me Shake My Head. I look at the things people do, things people say and i sometimes wonder is it all about you? Does it have to be all about you? Are you that selfish? I feel like people fail to realize that life is a two way street. Tit for Tat a fair game right? Selfishness. The "me" mentality. You know those people who only do things that benefit themselves and in the process they say things like i care for you that's why I am doing this but later you come to find out that they only do these things because in the end it benefits them? Those people who hit you up only when they need something. They call themselves your friends. Those people who expect you to be at their beck and call but they can't do the same for you. We all know people like this. As you read through this you could probably think of a few names. Picture a couple faces. Shake Your Head at a couple of situations. Sometimes we fail to realize when people are doing this. They are probably the nicest people you will ever meet. So good with their words, actions sometimes. You know life would be easier if we could  read minds. It would help us know when people are being for real or not. You wouldn't have to ask and most of all you would be able to avoid the risk of being lied to. Fake people would be figured out. I really need this in my life right now. Well maybe reading minds is quite impossible well.. very impossible but maybe if you try to be more careful with the people you trust. Don't trust any Tom Dick or Harry. Don't Over extend yourself for someone who won't do the same for you. Simple As That. <3

New Year. New Beginnings ? For some It Is Nothing But Misery.

It's currently 1.1.2011. Many have already proclaimed that it's their year. Some just view it as another normal day. Others say they will change for the better most of them never do.. Some of them do but only a hundred out of the million. This fine Saturday, i spent my time with Victoria Hamilton, Amber Hamilton and Faith Henry. We went to brier creek and nothing but laughter and smiles were shared among us. You know how sometimes no matter what happens in your life you get to this point where you are with your friends.. they make you laugh smile and every other feeling goes away and in that moment no matter how short it is  you feel happy .. Like truly happy not the forced kinda happiness :) So far so good. It's not exactly how i pictured to start my year. I thought it would be different but either way it was a good start. One of my friends lost a loved one today.. Tragic? Yes very. I can't imagine how he feels. It's supposed to be a new year full of happiness and joy leaving all the bad things in the previous year. But no this happened on the first of January. The first day of a brand new year. The beginning of everything. Sometimes you look at the things around you and you wonder why... Why do bad things happen to good people? Sometimes bad things happen to the best people and it isn't fair, we can't understand this. People say everything in this world happens for a reason but we don't always see the reason behind everything. What do we do when all hope is lost? The hope of a life renewed? We wait. This year 2011 Might have started bad for others.. Great for the rest but one thing that i know i will live this year to the fullest. I won't let little things distract me form the main goal. I will keep my friends and family close.. at the end of the day that's all i need. i won't live to please people. i won't look back on things and regret them. One thing that won't change is that i will always have my guard up. It's always better to be safe than sorry.